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sparkysliderz

Humor

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A man in a hot air balloon realising he was lost reduced altitude to see if he could spot anyone to ask directions. After a while he spotted a man below and shouted "excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend that I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am." The man below replied "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and 59 and 60 degrees west longitude" "You must be an engineer!" said the balloonist. "I am!" replied the man "how did you know?" he asked. "Well," said the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to do with the information, and the fact is, I am still lost and you are no help whatsoever!" The man below responded "and you must be a manager" "I am!" replied the balloonist, "how did you know?" "well" said the man, " you don't know where you are or have any idea where your going. You have risen to where you are due to a large amount of hot air. You have made a promise that you have no idea on how to keep. and you expect people below to solve your problems for you. the fact is that you are in exactly the same position that you were before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!" Edited by sparkysliderz

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From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: - What makes 100? - Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? - We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. - How about achieving 103%? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far a$$ kissing will take you: A-S-S--K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that: While hardwork and knowledge will get you close and Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and a$$ kissing will put you over the top!

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That's funny, I've been thinking those same thoughts all night. I've always believed hard work would get you to the top, But, those last two post are about the most true statements I've read in a long time. By the way, I've been reading this forum for a few months, and realy like the information and input I've read. I log on every night. I'ts very addictive. This is my fist reply. Thanks for all the knowledge and experience. Keep up the good work!

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1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF. CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

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A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed." He said."Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start." The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email." I'm sorry", said the HR manager,"If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job." The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buya 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round.In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!" The man thought for a while and replied, " Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!" Moral of the story: M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life. M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire. M3 - If you reading this on internet, you are closer to being an office boy / office girl , than a millionaire..........

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