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Sleepy Wombat

Off topic a bit of humour

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After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so he emailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

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Love it!!! 5 points for humor

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Yeah we've come a long way from the 70's when 142 Israelis, fought 154 Arabs over 69 barrells of oil during a 5 day war and we used to ask who is the winner. If you do the math you get the following. 14215469 * 5 = 71077345 Flipped upside down is SHELL OIL.

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WHO'S BOSS When the body was first made, all parts of the body wanted to be "The Boss" The Brain said: Im the boss, as I control everything The Feet said: Im the boss as I am in charge of movement The Hands said: We must be the boss, we do all the work and earn all the money And so it went on......................... Heart, Lungs, Eyes, until finally ARSEHOLE, being at the bottom of the pile, spoke up All the other parts of the body laughed at the idea of ARSEHOLE being boss So ARSEHOLE went on strike, blocked himself up and refused to work!!!!!! Within a short time:- Brain became fevered Eyes became crossed Hands clenched Feet twitched Heart and Lungs were both struggling So eventually it was voted that ARSEHOLE should be BOSS THE MOTION WAS PASSED All the other parts of the body do all the work, while ARSEHOLE, as BOSS, just sits there giving out a load of # MORAL: You dont need a brain to be a BOSS.............. JUST AN ARSEHOLE --

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Well you know what boss spells backwards Double SOB

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Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." It's quite ok," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I too have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake Slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." "Oh, thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls..... I'd say you must be either a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior management."

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Good one Spanner

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I liked that one too... Heres a lesson in irish math.... An Irishman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here is your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Witout numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat's easy." And proceeds to draw three trees:- "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes nine," says the Irishman. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat's 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One 'undred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and craped under each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes a 'undred. So, when d' I start?"

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Good One!! Good laugh to start my long night........

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So there were two cannibals, they found a clown, they cooked him, then preceded to eat him... one of the cannibals looked at the other and asked does this meat taste funny? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Where does a dog with no legs lie... wherever you leave him ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What does a tornado in Alabama and divorce in Tennessee have in common... someone is going to loose a mobile home ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A dyslexic man walks into a bra . . . ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any Bread" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No. Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f**king bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any f**king bread, ask me again and I'll nail your f**king beak to the bar you irritating bast**d bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Where does the one-legged waitress work? The Ihop ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde walked into a bar OUCHH!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two penguins walk into a bar...which is stupid because the second one should have seen it Some days this is how I really feel.... A man takes a balloon ride at a local country fair. A fierce wind suddenly kicks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside. The man has no idea where he is, so he goes down to five meters above ground and asks a passing wanderer: "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?" Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer-by says: "You are in a downed red balloon, five meters above ground." The balloon's unhappy resident replied, "You must be an economist!" "How could you possible know that?" asked the passer-by. "Because your answer is technically correct but absolutely useless, and the fact is I am still lost". "Then you must be in management", said the passer-by. "That's right! How did you know?" "You have such a good view from where you are, and yet you don't know where you are and you don't know where you are going. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now your problem is somehow my fault!"

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Thanks. I needed a good laugh after today

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